Dear Single Women on Valentine’s Day…please shut up.

Valentine’s Day is pretty much one of the most minor holidays celebrated, but it harps heaps of passionate hatred. What I would like to know is, why? Valentine’s Day is one of the only Holidays that has no ties to religion, politics, social groups, or anything people enjoy recklessly and worthlessly disputing. Why is it so necessary to make it a “thing.” I’m a feminist, and I’m all about women overcoming stereotypes, BUT I am not ashamed to admit that single women really make Valentine’s day a complete shit show. Why single ladies? I demand that you tell me why.

As a single lady myself, I will joyously participate in any “I Hate Valentine’s Day” celebrations, mostly because I love champagne and being destructive. But, I’m not trying to be a complete bummer about it. There are some who dub this hated holiday “Singles Awareness Day.” As if people who are single walk around unaware of their relationship status EVERY OTHER DAY OF THE YEAR. Valentine’s day is simply an attempt to celebrate love, and who doesn’t love to celebrate love? If you happened to be single, does it really mean that your life is devoid of all terms of love and affection?I think not.

I’m offended that due to my gender and single status I am expected to whimper underneath a pink fluffy blanket, clutching a box of chocolates, as I cry out for my prince charming to come complete me. People are in love every single day of the year, not only February 14th. If single women lived like this we would all be morbidly obese with fleece lined bed sores and a mouthful rotting teeth.

Still, the second week of February makes people crazed. It’s like the heart shaped candies and rows of red aisles in the local Walgreens whittles their brains into emotional wreckage. Is this single insanity just a stigma? Seriously, this widespread panic over one measly day of celebration is basically bonkers.

It’s ironic that a holiday that was created in the name of love spawns such an outpour of self-hatred. It’s been going on for weeks, the interwebs have been spinning out propaganda to aide single women through the 24 hours of sheer pain they are expected to experience today. Need to reference a list of movies that will make you sad? It’s all over Twitter. Need a boyfriend shaped pillow to remind you of your excessive napping habits and perpetual loneliness? Check Amazon, it’s on the front page. Days before the dreaded V-day a myriad of depressing or attempted sarcastic Facebook statuses mock the single status. People willingly shame themselves into feeling shitty on the internet, and for what? To spread “Singles Awareness?”

Here’s an example of a few statuses you might see:

“Another Valentine’s day alone, looks like its time to watch P.S. I Love You and bury myself in Dove candy wrappers.”

“~*~*Someday my Prince will come~*~*~<3<3<3</3</3”

“NOBODY LOVES ME HAHA LOLZ HAPPY SINGLES AWARENESS DAY!”

All of these fictional yet frighteningly realistic messages portray the outright outrageous spell that spoils single self-sufficiency on February 14th.

So here’s my question for the scheduled sad single ladies this Valentine’s day: did you wake up alone today? Did you feel great because you were sprawled out so your head was on one corner of your bed and your feet at the other? I thought so. Now, go about your normal day, wear some pink if you’re feeling festive, and chill the fuck out.

 

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